Why Do I Feel Sad And Unmotivated After Pouring My Heart And Soul Into My Catholic Faith?
Back-story first: Last, last year, I was a happy person. Everything in my life was going pretty well: I was slim; I was considered intelligent; and I was focused on doing whatever it is that makes God pleased - praying the Rosary, hearing Masses, avoiding sin as much as I could. At one point last year 2010, I did everything in the latter part (Rosary --> avoiding sin), only twice as much. I even prayed for something via the Rosary Novena.
Then, time came for me to do my work, and suddenly, everything in my life came crashing down. Honestly, I want to burst in tears. God is always Just. God is Good. I wholeheartedly believe that. But can someone tell me why? Why is it that when I started to give more time to the Catholic Faith, my life started to break into millions of shattered pieces?
Now, I feel reluctant praying the Rosary even though I know its worth - its great, great worth. It was my consolation in times of torment and depression. Now, its substitute is chocolate; hence, the additional ten pounds. Now, I'm struggling to weigh back down.
Of course, I still love God very much, but the more I think of devoting time to Him, the more I think of the sadness it caused. Now, I'm just lukewarm. Is there logic behind this? Because I feel like the more I try to push myself to be a good Catholic, the more God pushes me away. It's not true, I'm sure. I'm just trying to describe my feelings.
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